My son was Kira
by Snoring Tiger
Summary: Did Light's father actually know his son was Kira? He explains his feelings on his deathbed. One-shot.


I don't have much time left. The pain is spreading fast, but this needs to be said…

Somehow, from the beginning, a part of me always knew my son was Kira, but I just didn't want to ever believe it.

As a father or a police officer.

When my son had to leave the house to go to evening lessons before going to University, I went into his room to see if it was in a mess or not. Looking at all of the heavy books on his desk, I smiled proudly like any caring father would. He always worked so hard and he was extremely intelligent. He would make a fine detective someday.

I noticed on his bed there was a book which had the words **Death Note **printed on its cover. Curiosity took the better of me, and I flicked through the pages to see the names of criminals in it. Reading through the names in more detail, I noticed in shock that they were the names of victims who had been killed by Kira. Flipping the book to the inner cover I saw all of the rules for the Death Note. After reading through them in horror, I left his room and couldn't help but denying what I had just seen.

'Light would never kill anybody, even if they were criminals, he's just not that type of person' I had to tell myself reassuringly like a mantra as I tried to forget what I saw and that actually worked.

The next time I had to doubt my son's innocence was when Ray Penber had been killed. He was tracking our family, so it wasn't my fault I considered for a few seconds Light was behind it. So I was extremely relieved when we were filming my son that he showed no suspicious behavior-well, in regards to being Kira.

When Light turned himself in to L for being Kira, words couldn't even describe all of the emotions I was feeling-anger, shock, dismay and shame are a few of them. By that stage, I really had to believe that my son was a cold-blooded murderer, killing people without a care or scrap of remorse for his victims. Yet there was one part of my brain which refused to listen to the evidence against my son.

The reason I had demanded I stay in a prison cell was because I was too ashamed of Light. Maybe if I had been able to stop him when I found the notebook things would've changed-fewer victims would have fallen to his will, the world would be able to stop worrying about Kira and things would fix themselves. It was all my fault-my disbelief at his actions was what made this nightmare a reality.

Me driving Light and his girlfriend Misa to the 'execution grounds' was possibly one of the most terrifying experiences of my life. Not because I had to trick them two, but because I was scared. Scared that my own son would slaughter me for his benefit. Scared that this would completely prove that the two youngsters were murderers. Scared these two could call themselves 'gods' by choosing who could live and who could not. As I placed the gun to Light's head, I'm pretty sure the terror in his eyes was reflected in my eyes too. Thank god he didn't kill me.

Now that he was proven innocent to L, all I had to wonder on was if he ever was the killer for some time. I wanted to tell L, tell him about the notebook, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. He was my son; I couldn't handle the idea, feeling like I would've betrayed Light.

I actually thought things would calm down after catching Kyosuke Higuchi. Until L died. I couldn't believe that the world's best detective could be killed so easily. All of the evidence we had showed that _only _the Shinigami Rem was to blame, but that didn't seem right to me. After all, there was nothing L did that would make Rem want to kill him, right? Besides, Shinigami don't just kill as they please I think. If Rem did, I'm pretty sure all of us would've been killed right there and then. It didn't make any sense.

Unless somebody told Rem to do that. Again, I couldn't shake the possibility from my mind that perhaps Light had something to do with this. Am I a bad father for thinking that? From the previous events, it just seemed rational to think this. Theoretically, L _would _be Light's biggest obstacle…

But then there's the humane point of view. They became friends didn't they? Who could be so monstrous as to kill their friend?

Oh no. The pain is coming back quickly, too quickly and I can almost feel my life span running out. Looking up, I see my son, shouting that I can't go just yet, that it's too soon. I can only smile back, regardless of the situation we're in. I see his wide panicked eyes get a gleam in them and suddenly I see a notebook placed under my nose.

"Please don't let your death be a waste." He is saying. But I am far too gone to be able to write, so I just shut my eyes and wait for this pain to finally leave me forever.

My son thinks I have departed though, and I can barely hear him mutter:

_Now how are we meant to kill Mello?_

My son. When you said you weren't Kira, I truly did want to believe you, and protect you. But I was just a pawn in your bigger plan.

You really were Kira.

Before I go though, a tear slides from under my shut eyes and I bring up the strength to mutter one word:

_Son._

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_I'm not actually too happy with this one-shot, but I hope that someone else enjoys reading this. I hope that this was good for my first Death Note fic._

_AEW Alchemist_


End file.
